Until awakening, in one way or another, we are always running through our life.
Running towards something we want, or away from something we don't want. We run and run and run and so it's no surprise that life often seems exhausting.
Until we recognize this habit we are always trapped by the two extremes of desire and fear, and no matter how much you can justify your behavior, you are still running moment after moment.
Your fear cannot protect you and your desire cannot lead you to happiness. Only a loving relationship with yourself and then all beings will serve you and bring a life that has true value.
May all beings be happy.