You judge and begrudge because you think, ‘I am like this and the other should be like that’. This is make-believe knowledge. Go ahead with your fantasizing but know that ultimately you will be left with a sense of incompleteness, even sorrow. I know it can be difficult to grasp but the knowledge you really seek is not something that your mind can find. It is not discernible as long as you are a slave to mind. My advice is to ease back and sense what is really here before you, already in your heart. In ease and stillness you can expand past your petty judgments and find the source of fellowship and an effortless strength.